i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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