what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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