His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
