I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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