I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
