How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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