I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
