dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
