my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
