i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
