Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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