There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
