just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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