ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
