she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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