SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
