by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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