I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
the condom got lost in my hair
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
