Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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