woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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