from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
