there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
