so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
