Quick, to the slutcave!
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
