Porn is love you can see.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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