she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
