Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
