Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
