I just pynch a tree in the face
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
