I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Randomize
