Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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