i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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