my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
the day after is always just damage control
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
