Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
