dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize