There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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