if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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