physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
