Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
