I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
