He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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