She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
