Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
