Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
you never un-have a 4some
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
