You work out of a Hotel?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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