i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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