Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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