they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
