I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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