Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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