you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
