what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
