I must be too annoying 4 u.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
