I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
