ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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