Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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