Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
