just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
