Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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