i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Randomize
