So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
even my farts smell like vagina
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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