Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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