at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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