Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Randomize
