Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
