Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize