i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
