I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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