Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
